remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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