So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
