low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
