i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
