I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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