i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
