hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
