I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
