This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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