Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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