I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
