dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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