Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why do cheetos always look like penises
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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