that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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