i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
