do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
