The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
