So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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