My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize