I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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