no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
