Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think a kid would responsible me up
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize