She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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