So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
