I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
