What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
