I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
