my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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