I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
