She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
