Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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