He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
