The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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