the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize