i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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