You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
