fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
