So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
