I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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