I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
love makes seman taste better
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
