Where did you get a picture of my penis
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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