My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All the doctor said was why
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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