My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
