just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
