I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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