Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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