the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
