There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
