you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
