i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
