just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
