get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
