I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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