I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
