I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh god it's open bar.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
