Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
