thus making me awesome and them whores
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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