At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
