I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
