I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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