I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
