Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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