oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
