You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
