Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
