I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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