Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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