ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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