I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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