I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
