Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
