Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
how drunk are you?
Several
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
