Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize