Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
